Marriages are unlike term-examinations
at schools. If not up to expectations, cannot be made up for by promising hard
work in the following term. On the contrary, marriages do not have any
following terms and all the hard works put together by a couple - as discovered
by some to their dismay - may not be
sufficient in saving it if certain split strings are left unattended.
One
of such strings (and a very common one indeed) is the disposition of either of the
spouses towards the in-laws. When we discover that our partners dislike our
parents, then among all other disturbing thoughts that rise in our heads, the
one which becomes perpetual, questions the foundations of our relation.
Marriages are “supposed to be” acceptance of each other’s families as much as
acceptance of each another. While, it may
not be necessary that separation from incepting families would make a person unhappy, when attributed to jobs or marriages but,
when the same is inflicted by inhibition of one of the partners, it become
intolerably painful for the other.
In continuation to this, if we fail to observe the crisis that our partners are going through, then not only we subject our partners to an inexplicable pain, but is also contributing in driving the marriage to a certain degree of null where no amount of hugging and caring for our partners may fill the voids.
Expelling
the inhibition may be the only way out of this predicament. While there might
be multiple reasons for this inhibition or dislike for the in-laws and few
might be very tricky as well, but a careful approach towards their elimination is
always rewarding. For example, in case we dislike certain behavior of our in-laws,
we may make conscious effort and avoid the domains which stimulate such behavior,
or in case, there is a mismatched view towards something, we can take our
partners in confidence first, and then ask them to speak to their parents on
those matters. But, contriving a tit for a tat or distancing ourselves from the
in-laws would only add to the peril of the already strained disposition.
Our
container for experiences, just like a physical container, can take only a
finite amount of unconstructive experiences, beyond which it’s bound to spill.
In order to experience a marital bliss for a prolonged time our constructive
experience from it, has to be more than the dire ones, and it’s within our
effort to make sure that we keep attending the split strings. Otherwise, we may
never know which string would snap, spilling the container and leaving our hugs
unrequited.
If you like the article let me know your views on the same.
Thanking you in advance.
- Arindam
