The ACCEPTANCE

Back in my school days, I had somehow developed a habit of comparing my mom with my English teacher. I was completely fascinated by her oration, her interpretation of the Wordsworths and the Tennysons, her authority, personality and everything that I could notice about her.  Deep down in my childish self rose the question, “Why isn’t my mom like her?” I would want her to speak English with the same proficiency as would my English teacher; I would want her to speak to my friends with the same effect as did the English teacher in class. But nothing ever happened the way I wanted them to be and this habit, instead of fading into irrelevance with the passage of time became an obsession. I found myself comparing her with the new lecturer of my college.  So one semester, I returned home and found myself asking my mom, “If they are so knowledgeable, if they are so good in English why aren’t you?” To this, my mom did not answer, but gave me just a smile before she turned back to the kitchen. I felt humiliated for asking such an annoying question to my mother. However, the semester vacation went by and I returned to college, forgetting all about the incident.

I completed my graduation and went on to pursue my masters. There too, I came across a professor who happened to be of the same age as my mom and highly impressive. In her class, when I observed her more closely, I wished only if my mother could have been more like her. By then, this wish had started bothering me so much that I grew increasingly uneasy of my mother’s identity.

 Soon, I completed my masters and took up a job. The years kept passing by until recently came a social occasion, where I happened to meet my old English teacher.  Though she did not recognize me, but once introduced she greeted me with the long known warmth and we spoke at length. During that discussion she told me that her son, with who I was acquainted with, was in Harvard pursuing his masters. I was incredibly impressed with this news and mused on it the entire evening.

 It was raining that night and I was caught in traffic. When I reached home, it was quite late and I found my mom still waiting for me. Though, mellowed by age and health she brought me my towel, my night cloths and then did my bed before retiring back to her room. I returned to my room and switched off the lights still retrospecting on the evening. In the dark rose a question in my mind, “If he could make it to Harvard why couldn’t I?” An uneasy lull descended in my mind, which was first broken by reasons gushing out of the hitherto naive soul in protests and then by a realization that, though I was not in Harvard, I was not unsuccessful either by my standards. Last, came the epiphany, “It was never important for my mother to be as knowledgeable or fluent in English as my English teacher, as long as she loved me and brought me up well, and just like me, she hasn’t been unsuccessful either in her own right.”

 

If you like the article, let me know about the composition, style of narration and last but not the least....don't forget to say your MOM how much you love her!

 

-Arindam Paul

 

 

 

 

Split Strings - The In-laws Issue

Marriages are unlike term-examinations at schools. If not up to expectations, cannot be made up for by promising hard work in the following term. On the contrary, marriages do not have any following terms and all the hard works put together by a couple - as discovered by some to their dismay -  may not be sufficient in saving it if certain split strings are left unattended. 

One of such strings (and a very common one indeed) is the disposition of either of the spouses towards the in-laws. When we discover that our partners dislike our parents, then among all other disturbing thoughts that rise in our heads, the one which becomes perpetual, questions the foundations of our relation. Marriages are “supposed to be” acceptance of each other’s families as much as acceptance of each another.  While, it may not be necessary that separation from incepting families would make a person unhappy, when attributed to jobs or marriages but, when the same is inflicted by inhibition of one of the partners, it become intolerably painful for the other. 

In continuation to this, if we fail to observe the crisis that our partners are going through, then not only we subject our partners to an inexplicable pain, but is also contributing  in  driving the marriage to a certain degree of null where no amount of hugging and caring for our partners may fill the voids.

Expelling the inhibition may be the only way out of this predicament. While there might be multiple reasons for this inhibition or dislike for the in-laws and few might be very tricky as well, but a careful approach towards their elimination is always rewarding. For example, in case we dislike certain behavior of our in-laws, we may make conscious effort and avoid the domains which stimulate such behavior, or in case, there is a mismatched view towards something, we can take our partners in confidence first, and then ask them to speak to their parents on those matters. But, contriving a tit for a tat or distancing ourselves from the in-laws would only add to the peril of the already strained disposition.

Our container for experiences, just like a physical container, can take only a finite amount of unconstructive experiences, beyond which it’s bound to spill. In order to experience a marital bliss for a prolonged time our constructive experience from it, has to be more than the dire ones, and it’s within our effort to make sure that we keep attending the split strings. Otherwise, we may never know which string would snap, spilling the container and leaving our hugs unrequited.

If you like the article let me know your views on the same. 

Thanking you in advance.

- Arindam

Mediating the media

It’s utterly frustrating to see how the news channels resort to unethical practices  in order to distinguish themselves or to surpass their rivals. The recent incident in Hyderabad - where few girls from NALSAR university attending a farewell party, were filmed unethically by a local media crew -  is a painful evidence of what media can resort to in order to ‘sell’ their news.  Inevitably, the news which was highly exaggerated and misleading served its purpose of increasing the TRP of the vernacular channel, but at the cost of the modesty of few women.  

The men, who filmed the girls are embodiment of heightened desperations. Desperations, mounting up not only because of professional incapability in “news creation” but, also because  somewhere down in their heart breeds the germs of jealousy for failing to become a part of the out-going culture that young India enjoys. The psychology is simple, “If we cannot have it, we'll not let others have it either"! Also, by most probability since their women are not bold enough to be fashionable, they have nothing else to turn their frustration, but on women who are fashionably dressed!

All around the world, women of developed countries enjoy clubbing and partying, but whenever it comes to India it always defames our “culture”.  If it’s about Indian Culture, it’s worthwhile to see the   attempts made, by these esteemed media crew in discussion, in freeing India from the hefty dowry demands, female feticides, crime against women, etcetera. On the other hand as per social norms are concerned, we definitely do not feel ashamed or are ever in double minds to spit or commit nuisance in public places but, when it is about  a woman the entire herd is ready to become the custodian of Indian Culture.

It’s a high time that these frustrated media persons (and other men as well) should stop being sleazy voyeurs in order to find fodder for their channels and leave women on their own. 

If you think this article was a good read please provide your feedback. Also request you to sign  the petition that the NALSAR students have filed online: http://www.change.org/petitions/victimization-harassment-and-defamation-by-local-news-media

The video can be viewed here: http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/E1aZzgQVDAY